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Joke of the Day

"How do you defend yourself against a gang of horny masochistics? You probably have to beat them off with a stick!"

"I think I have a sleeping disorder. It's called children"

"Just shoveled for 30 minutes so the pizza guy could deliver my food Priorities"

"If at first you don't succeed.. Then that's it for skydiving."

"A man died while masturbating The doctors said he died from a stroke."

"A kleptomaniac goes to see her doctor. She says, ""Doctor, my condition has worsened. Is there anything I can take?"""

"This baby at McDonalds may have started the screaming competition, but I guarantee I'm going to win it."

"Which 20th century President's wife looked like she could have been LGBT? Eleanor Brucevelt."

"What's the difference between a drummer and publicly traded stock? Publicly traded stock will mature and make money."

"So a Trabi owner pulls up to a gas station... ...and says to the attendant: ""Two windscreen wipers for my Trabi please."" The attendant replies: ""That sounds like a good deal!"""