195580

Joke of the Day

"SHOW ME A PHOTO OF YOUR INFANT I WILL SHOW YOU 20 OF MY CAT"

"Why did the kid get in trouble for wearing a bed sheet ghost costume? He wore a pointy hat underneath."

"Had some mushrooms this morning. Breakfast of Champignons."

"Why did all the prisoners at the AT&T jail escape? Because they had no bars on their cells!"

"I just read that a veteran policeman has been suspended from his job... after being caught masturbating and smoking weed in his office. No name was given but he was a high wanking officer."

"isn't it funny that Hillary And her entire campaign is talking shit about trump being a liar when she is still in denial about the email scandal."

"Late night phone convo BF: Ok you hang up GF: No, you hang up BF: No, you first GF: Nooo, you first NSA: Shut the fuck up and hang up already!"

"Apologies to Rudyard Kipling but . . . If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs. . . . maybe you don't understand the gravity of the situation."

"Did you hear Bruce Willis tried to overdose on viagra? He wanted to Die Hard."

"Went on a date with a non-partisan woman I gave it to her right down the middle."