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Joke of the Day

"Late night phone convo BF: Ok you hang up GF: No, you hang up BF: No, you first GF: Nooo, you first NSA: Shut the fuck up and hang up already!"

"A stallion with a smoking habit kidnaps hookers. So basically a hoarse horse hoards whores."

"My wife is not buying that autocorrect changed ""You're psychic"" to ""You're psycho."""

"Why does the Italian pasta maker always get locked out of his house? because he has gnocchi"

"I used to play hard to get until I realized that I was hard to want"

"The families in Eggo commercials live in nice houses and appear wealthy. Why are they always fighting over one shitty frozen waffle?"

"I was burgled last night, someone stole all my documents. I was de-filed."

"My secretary doesn't wear any bra or panties to work. But he types really well."

"ME: I'll see you in a month WIFE: Don't forget to write ME: It's highly unlikely I'd forget such a basic skill, Sharon"

"A man sees a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down a jail from a rope... ...he looks at him for a second, and says,""Well, that's a little condescending."""