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Joke of the Day

"My roommate is on a date and said he's convinced she's coming home with him tonight. I've covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait."

"I put on my pants just like you, reluctantly, when the doorbell rings."

"You'll find there's truly so much beauty in the world if you'll just look at the right desktop wallpaper websites"

"What is a lesbians favorite day of the week? Tuesday"

"Pepsi just bought out Nike. Nike's new slogan will be, ""Just Dew It""."

"Why does Edward Woodward have so many Ds in his name? Because if he didn't, he'd be called Ewar Woowar."

"Did you hear about the guy who liked to stab himself in the eye? After a while, he stopped seeing the point."

"Did you hear they finally caught the watch thief? It was only a matter of time!"

"""Dad, you were at 63%, so I unplugged your phone to plug mine in"" *Drives ex-son to homeless shelter"

"Some folks say if you go into a Halloween store late at night, you can see the ghosts of the Blockbuster employees who used to work there."