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Joke of the Day

"My neighbour really pissed me off last night... He kept playing the same Lionel Richie song over and over. I wouldn't mind normally but it was all night long."

"Is a person diagnosed with a Multiple Personality Disorder able to get a group rate from their therapist? Just asking for some friends."

"I just emptied a caprisun into a glass and added vodka so that's where i'm at in life."

"Why was the tomato blushing? Because it saw the salad dressing."

"The other day I was laying down a carpet... ...and my friend Speedy Gonzales was helping me. At one point I said, ""Have I missed anything, Speedy?"" And Speedy says, ""Underlay, underlay!"""

"It seems the amount of coffee you drink... increases the amount of times you need to visit the toilet excrementally."

"What's a porn stars favorite golf course? The inter course"

"What's the hardest part about cooking a vegetable? Fitting the wheelchair in the oven."

"A woman walked into a pub and asked the barman for a double entendre. So he gave her one"

"Canada. Because I love being cold 95% of my life."