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Joke of the Day

"Is a person diagnosed with a Multiple Personality Disorder able to get a group rate from their therapist? Just asking for some friends."

"If a man tells you he'll fix it, he will fix it. There is no need to incessantly remind him about it every 5 to 6 months."

"""I need to get laid man!""nn- eggs (in the chicken)"

"ME: Leave me alone! You're not my real dad! CRAWDAD: [patiently] I am doing my best to raise you on my own. Now eat your plankton."

"So, I heard a celebrity was stabbed the other day... It was Reece something... Reece... Witherspoon? No, with a knife!"

"That guy who ran through the White House could go to prison for ten years, so there's another reason I don't run."

"Do you know two places to put water? Well Dam"

"Halloween is the second woman's day in the year You can see slutty drunk witches everywhere after dark."

"Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? A: He turned a peg and wouldn't tell the bass player which one."

"Where do drinks go on vacation? Coaster Rica"