195038

Joke of the Day

"I enjoy reenacting the Crucifixion during sex. People call me sacrilegious. I tell them I'm only religious in the sack."

"When my daughter gets older, she will have a camera phone OR a mirror. Not both. Thanks for the advice Twitter."

"What's Hitler's favorite video game. Meinkraft"

"What do you call a jar of mayonnaise stuck in quicksand? Sinko de mayo"

"Two men walk into a bar, which is strange since you'd think the second one would have seen it when the first one hit it."

"I heard 80% of all accident happen within 10 miles of home. So I moved."

"""Poop"" is quite possibly the shittiest palindrome in the whole English language."

"When I got my license they asked if I wanted to be an organ donor. I said ""I don't own an organ""."

"No, LinkedIn. I would not like to link my Twitter account but thank you for trying to get me unemployed for life."

"[maintains eye contact while slowly rearranging the dishwasher]"