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Joke of the Day

"Bernie Sanders is so fed up with the BS in politics that he is changing his name. He's changing it to Ernie Anders."

"If I was married to you, I would put poison in your tea If I was married to you, madame, I would drink it"

"Knock knock. Who's there? It's Amy. Amy who? It's amy, MARIO!"

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? 16, one to change the bulb, and 15 to form a support group."

"Thought my Siamese twin was giving me the cold shoulder. Turns out he was dead."

"My wife asked my why i carry a gun in the house. I looked at her and said ""Decepticons"". She laughed, i laughed, the toaster laughed, i shot the toaster. It was a good time."

"So an Irishman walks out of a bar...."

"I would have fucking loved to have been there when Mary and Joseph tried to explain to Jesus where babies come from."

"Just found out men can have sex at 88..... which is handy cos I live at 94 so it's not far to walk home after."

"Met a beautiful girl down at the park today... Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser..."