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Joke of the Day

"Thought my Siamese twin was giving me the cold shoulder. Turns out he was dead."

"[dog paws your leg when you stop stroking his head] 1st time: ""aww cuuuute"" 2nd time: ""ha okay"" 3rd time: ""i am trapped in a nightmare"""

"Why did the comedian without a tongue lose his job? All his jokes were a bit tasteless."

"a muslim, a jew, a christian and an atheist walk into a coffee shop... and they talk, laugh, drink coffee and become good friends. thats what happens when you're not an asshole."

"What is the best kind of dog to ask for directions? A Chihuahua because it knows all the shortcuts!"

"Apparently the Burger King account is suspended while they think of a stronger password than ""horsemeat""."

"I'm even late for work when I work from home"

"When you wish upon a star, planets are being scorched and destroyed billions of miles away but that's okay because YOU'RE IMPORTANT."

"What does a Chinese restaurant serve for Easter? Coloured eggrolls!"

"Can you think of any snake jokes? Because I serpently can't."