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Joke of the Day

"Why are condoms and bungee-jumping similar? You're screwed if the rubber breaks."

"The first thing I always do when a cop pulls me over is remind him he can't arrest me without a warrant so he knows he's dealing with a pro."

"I was offered a threesome with a Japanese guy but I turned it down, after all, you know what they say about Japanese penises... ...they're really blurry."

"[1st date] [to self] Don't let her know ur a boa constrictor Her: ""How's your meal?"" [i've dislocated my jaw & swallowed the whole table]"

"Did you hear that Zsa Zsa Gabor was suing the doctor who amputated her leg? ...The Judge threw out the case because she didn't have a leg to stand on."

"What do you get when you cross a millipede with a parrot? A Walkie Talkie"

"What does a pirate say when he turns 80? Aye Matey. might be a repost sorry if it is!"

"Why do nice guys always finish last? Because their girlfriends always cum first."

"I know they're awful, but... Care to share your favorite ""dead baby"" joke?"

"-i am going to hell for this ""That's a sexy little outfit you're wearing,"" I said. ""I bet you want my cock in you."" ""Dave,"" my wife said, ""do you know I can hear you on the baby monitor?"""