194820

Joke of the Day

"Some cats just sit there looking at you like you owe them money."

"This is the rare tweet that history will look back on much more favorably than how it was received in its own time period."

"[prison] CELLMATE: what are you in for? ME: (actually in jail for jumping a fence to hug a panda) murder"

"Rise and shine all the beautiful women of the world. Ugly women, go back to sleep, your time is coming, at night."

"I saw an identical tweet of my joke! It was posted months before mine, so he's worse than a tweet thief; he's a time-travelling tweet thief!"

"What's a Catholic's favorite way to send money? PayPal"

"My gf & I are toying w/the idea of changing both of our last names rather than hyphenate Easier & we can have fun with it Mrs Velociraptor."

"My dog kept barking at me I'm not sure why hes in love with roofs."

"The funny thing about boobs is, if you've seen two... ...you want to see them all."

"They told me to get help when I was suicidal. My guy was terrible-- he wouldn't even pull the trigger!"