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Joke of the Day

"[prison] CELLMATE: what are you in for? ME: (actually in jail for jumping a fence to hug a panda) murder"

"Has anyone ever told you what it's like to be royally screwed? Let me fill you in."

"If you want a medical degree, they're literally hanging on doctor's walls. Grab one."

"Calling your baby ugly makes me rude? How about you making me look at your ugly baby makes YOU rude."

"Mommy, I wrote some notes down in my diarrhea. Please let her mean diary. Please let her mean diary. Please let her mean diary."

"One man's Facebook crush is probably another man's nagging wife or girlfriend."

"TIL: In 1949, the French police spent 3 months investigating DiVince's Mona Lisa in connection to a murder. Apparently she was framed."

"What do elephants in the zoo get for lunch? Half an hour, just like the rest of the animals."

"How do Frenchmen share files? Pierre to Pierre."

"My wife is a sex object Every time I ask for sex she objects."