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Joke of the Day

"[prison] CELLMATE: what are you in for? ME: (actually in jail for jumping a fence to hug a panda) murder"

"Sandeep the indian wifebeater punches his wife at 7pm every night On the dot"

"What gets harder as you beat it? A penis."

"""And why do you want to work at the aquarium?"" * imagines me with a mermaid tail swimming in the giant tank after hours* I like fish"

"You Must Have A High Ohm Rating Because the more voltage I put in you, the hotter you get."

"A woman's heart is as tender, vulnerable and fragile as a man's balls. Don't break hers and she won't break yours."

"9. You can fit 9 cats inside an acoustic guitar."

"Guy says, ""damn, there should be a law against having sex this good!"" The girl said nothing, for the drugs had left her unconscious."

"Looks like the UK didn't read the fine print when cutting off ties with the EU... You Brexit, you bought it."

"TIL my mom isn't a member of any organized political party. You see, she's a Republican."