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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a stripper with a cattle prod? Electrifying entertainment."
Next Joke
"Naked and Afraid, but it's just me staring down a spider in the shower."
"Doctors who wear scrubs infuriate me. You put on a goddamn suit and tie or a ball gown before you handle me, you slob."
"""Hand me downs"" Apparently not the right way to ask the wife to hand me our disabled baby."
"Sure, Aphrodite poses naked in a giant clam shell, she's a goddess. But when I do it, I'm ''drunk' and 'no longer welcome at the aquarium'."
"You know what's odd? Numbers not divisible by 2."
"My clients have a 86% survival rate, which makes me an above-average babysitter."
"Math is like my parenting. I do it when I have to, but I'm not great at it."
"Did to hear about the guy who pretended to wash his hair with excrement? It was actually sham-poo. *thunderous applause*"
"Coworker: What's your phone number? *looks up from phone* Me: I don't have a phone. *looks down at phone* Coworker...."