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Joke of the Day

"My boss asked if I had Facebook and I said sure and gave up the link. Then she asked about twitter. After an awkward silence I said, huh?"

"Wife walks up to husband and asks for money Wife: I need some money to buy a bra Husband: do you think you have breasts big enough to buy a bra? Wife: when you bought boxers, did I say anything?"

"I just bought a thesaurus at the store and brought it home to find out all the pages are blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am."

"The gym got a new machine recently, it does everything! Snickers, twix, Mccoys, pepsi...."

"HER: do u have a condom ME: u bet [whistles] [an eagle flies thru the window & drops off a cat] H: holy shit M: ya sometimes he brings cats"

"I'm so pale all of my relationships are interracial."

"My buddy is doing a semester abroad. I would be perfectly content doing a broad a semester."

"Top Gear was twelve years old... That's one of the oldest things that the BBC staff have fucked."

"If I had a dollar for every time I've used algebra in my life I'd have *n* dollars"

"How do you take your coffee? **Barista:** How do you take your coffee? **Customer:** Ferguson Police **Barista:** Huh? **Customer:** Black, two shots."