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Joke of the Day

"Top Gear was twelve years old... That's one of the oldest things that the BBC staff have fucked."

"I had sex in an orchard today. I came in cider."

"If you are on a low-sodium diet avoid my twitter because I AM VERY SALTY TODAY."

"I have invented a machine *that reads the subtext in different voice*"

"what do you call 6 hwy workers and 6 lesbians on the side of the road? a dozen people that don't do dick."

"Does your dog know how how to surf the internet? No - but he's got a ruff idea."

"I was watching the women's Golf earlier. They couldn't drive, but boy, can they use an iron."

"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."

"Coffee so strong, you finish the ""to do"" list, that you haven't even written yet."

"What did one elf girl say to the other elf girl who wasn't sharing? ""Stop being so elfish, Karen!"""