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Joke of the Day

"MAFIA BOSS (ominously): Take him out ME: What if he's already seeing someone MAFIA BOSS: Well then you have to respect that relationship"

"Are you ready, kids?! ARE YOU READY FOR THIS SUNDAY NIGHT WHEN THE CHAMPION JOHN CENA DEFENDS HIS TITLE IN THE SUPER SLAMMMMMMMMMM? DUBYA DUBYA EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

"[Americas Got Talent] ME: *reads an opinion different than mine online without getting offended* JUDGE (under his breath): how'd he do that"

"What happened to when the coke bottle was ran over by the steam roller? He was soda pressed."

"Next year I'll give up spreadsheets for 40 days and 40 nights... It's going to be Excel Lent"

"A pack of coyotes shrieking at 3:12 AM is less unsettling if you instead imagine it's a bachelorette party that just got a limo upgrade."

"Earrings Why do chicks wear those big, jangly earrings? ... ... Stirrups"

"A man has a sore throat and goes to the doctor... Doctor: ""Your tonsils gotta come out."" Patient: ""I want a second opinion!"" Doctor: ""Okay, I don't like your haircut."""

"The Nokia 3310 was ahead of its time... Dust proof, water proof, had a nearly infinite battery life, indestructible, AND no audio jack!"

"Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S."