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Joke of the Day

"[meeting] BOSS: We need a name that gives us a good ad slogan ME: Perhapselline? MY NEMESIS GARY: Maybelline? B: You're incredible, Gary"

"My chemistry teacher went on a camping trip and died... He was exposed to the elements."

"I tried hypnotizing my wife but *cluck* I think *cluck cluck* something went wrong is that *cluck cluck cluck* corn on the ground?"

"How long does it take Han Solo to screw in a light bulb? less than twelve parsecs."

"A Couple of underscores is to a couple of underscores? Ok. RT @McDonalds: #ShamrockShake is to spring as _____ is to _______."

"How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just shoot the room for being black."

"I've been watching ISIS movements via UAV for the past week They seem to beheading in the right direction"

"If u ever can't get to sleep, think of your sex life. That's boring enough."

"Why is santa's sack so big? He only comes once a year..."

"That guy who ran through the White House could go to prison for ten years, so there's another reason I don't run."