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Joke of the Day

"A midget psychic escaped from prison... I guess you could call them a small medium at large."

"If a hipster falls in the middle of the woods and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Yeah, but you've probably never heard it before."

"What do calenders eat? Nothing. Calenders are inanimate objects that are used to keep track of the date and important events."

"Fannee Doolee loves sleep, but she doesn't love bedtime. Why do you think that is? Because Fannee Doolee has crippling anxiety, and falling asleep reminds her of her inevitable death."

"If you yell Bloody Mary into a mirror 3 times at 3AM, as loud as you can, your mom will appear and tell you to shut up and go to bed."

"I knew a man with a mushroom farm. What a fun guy."

"Thank you for explaining the word 'many' to me. It means a lot."

"What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a female track team? One is a cunning bunch of runts..."

"[at the race] ""RUNNERS ON YOUR MARK"" Mark: ouch!"

"Is that a star tattoo. Saw my first porn the other day. I was a lot younger back then."