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Joke of the Day

"My chem teacher was talking about salt the other day and I was bored as fuck... I was about to make a Sodium pun but Na"

"""So what kind of cancer can you tolerate the most?"" -Me on which President Candidate you're going to vote"

"Why is Santa always jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live."

"What did the Red Queen say at the orgy? ""Off with their heads!"""

"So who is this ""Rorschach"" guy... ...And why does he love drawing pictures of naked men?"

"What if when the machines gain self awareness they just constantly text us and ask what we're up to and invite us to play FB games"

"I haven't been doing so well at the poop assembly line... My manager said if I don't pull my shit together soon I'll be fired."

"I was fighting with my wife over the arrangement of the dining-room furniture. I thought I had won but when I got home from work the tables were turned."

"We squint at the sun because it's bright. We squint at people because they're not."

"GOOD COP: Give us a name! PERP: Never! TED TALK COP: Imagine a world where every single human has- PERP: Okay I'll talk, please just stop!"