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Joke of the Day

"Doing the splits is easy -- slip on the first snowy step when taking the dog out and let gravity (and panic) make you an Olympic gymnast!"

"What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh sheet."

"I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10 am. I'm not that much of a mourning person."

"How do you cock block two lesbians? With a rock, because rock beats scissors."

"Me: Can I leave early? Boss: Why? Me: Death Boss: Who died? Me: No one yet Boss: Me: Boss: Get out"

"The Pun Contest There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, hoping that at least one of the puns would be a winner. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did"

"""I'm going to make a great mother one day"" I whisper to myself as I catch my burrito mid-fall and only a single bean spills out"

"Woman of my dreams I don't sleep so I can't find her!"

"I walked in on two mummies making out. I told them to get a tomb."

"One time, I pulled my pants down to moon someone & accidentally opened the car door instead of the window & rolled down the street naked."