193495

Joke of the Day

"That awkward moment when you accidently knock a 90 year old over trying to get to the buffet first."

"First original joke! Why did the rapper visit the urologist? Because his flows were so sick."

"[flash mob in front of me & my girl] [I join in then kneel down gasping] ""Will you.."" ""YES!... YE.."" ""grab me a smoothie from Jamba Juice?"""

"What's green and has four wheels? A turtle. I was lying about the wheels"

"What did Eminem say when 50cent gave him a sweater? Gee, you knit?"

"My biggest fear is dying in a car accident that doesn't totally destroy my phone"

"My ex husbands Voicemail was a trick one where he'd say ""Hello Hello, so you think he'd answered and that's why he's dead."

"When my wife and I married we both agreed we would never go to sleep angry. Neither of us has slept in 16 years."

"I told my girlfriend that she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised."

"What's the difference between a hockey team and a Russian woman? The hockey team showers after three periods."