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Joke of the Day

"When my wife and I married we both agreed we would never go to sleep angry. Neither of us has slept in 16 years."

"What kind of dog can you milk? A titbull."

"The white girls were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of Ugg boots danced in their heads."

"Teacher: Tommy Russell you're late again. Tommy: Sorry sir. It's my bus - it's always coming late. Teacher: Well if it's late again tomorrow catch an earlier one."

"So U.S. Supreme Court justice Antonin Scalia died today while on a hunting trip... ...he must have gone with Dick Cheney."

"As a child I had difficulty putting things down It's a habit I can't seem to let go."

"Know what ""buffet"" stands for? Big Ugly Fat Fuckers Eating Together. Credit: This loud big ugly fat fucker drinking a few tables away from me at this bar."

"Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms."

"[assembling baby's cot] Wife: take that bit off Me [reluctantly removing the machine gun turret]: so anyone can just walk in here then"

"""You're fat, you smell bad, your teeth aren't as white as they should be, and your genitals are pathetic."" - Advertising"