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Joke of the Day

"Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut. "

"Going to a wedding today: Me: Do I look ok boys? 6: You look fine. 9: You look wow. Clearly I have work to do with the little one."

"What's the difference between a cow and the Holocaust? A cow can't be milked for 70 years."

"I'm thinking of investing in a start-up company that produces religious icons. I guess you could say that I'm engaging in idol speculation."

"I tried kicking the habit today. The nun wearing it is extremely pissed."

"It's called Facebook not Boobbook. So next time try to get your face in the picture too? K thanks."

"Something I don't think we're doing nearly enough of as a society is building giant mysterious structures to confuse future archaeologists"

"From a shark's perspective, Jaws is a lot like Home Alone."

"Boxers leave me feeling unsupported. But I guess I shouldn't expect a man who has forged his hands into weapons to gently cup my balls."

"What's brown and runny Usain Bolt"