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Joke of the Day

"Boxers leave me feeling unsupported. But I guess I shouldn't expect a man who has forged his hands into weapons to gently cup my balls."

"Why are pirates always angry when they go to the restroom? Because they p-irate."

"This bathroom attendant is a little overzealous. I can shake ""it"" myself. Also, I am not in the bathroom."

"What's black and does not work? Decaf Coffee"

"And the Lord said unto John; 'Come forth and you shall receive eternal life.' ...But John came fifth and he won a toaster."

"My dog got into a bag of baking soda this morning ...and now she's a basic bitch"

"I lost two things today. My virginity.. ..and my job at the morgue."

"Playing guess the animal with 4yo. 4: it looks like a tiger. Me: a lion? 4: no. Me: leopard? 4: no. Me: i give up 4: it's a tiger"

"What does Ronda Rousey's opponents and myself have in common? We both barely last 14 seconds and leave our partners underwhelmed."

"Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad."