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Joke of the Day
"Ever since the wife and I bought a water bed, we've drifted apart."
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"It's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, ""I love you"" and they're like, ""thank you for choosing Domino's."""
"What do you call a deaf quadriplegic? Whatever you want"
"God loves everyone You know, it's in that book you hold up when you're yelling at gay people."
"What do the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both circle Uranus and wipe out Klingons."
"Q: How many divorcees does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: None. The sockets all went with the house."
"Want to hear my favorite holocaust joke? Aw, schwitz! I forgot it :("
"Listening to your wife is like reading iTunes' user agreement... ... you don't understand anything, but you still agree with it."
"From Predator 2 ""The doctor says, 'I need a semen, stool and urine sample.' I say, 'Gee, doc, I'm in a big hurry, can I just leave my underwear?' """
"What sound does a piano make when falling down a mine shaft? A-flat minor."