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Joke of the Day

"When I was in the army our commanding officer always made decisions based on the way our whole unit felt. I kind of miss him. Good ol' General Consensus."

"When my boss is in town, I set out pictures of kids on my desk. They aren't my kids but he'd never fire a Mom of seven, right?"

"TIL J. Cole robbed a bank and was never caught despite there being several witnesses When police sketch artists asked witnesses for a description of the robber they said he had no features."

"How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just wait for it to burn out and follow it around the country for 20 years."

"[son hands me a picture he painted a school] That's great. Let's just put that in the 'maybe has epilepsy' pile."

"We are gathered here today because Somebody ""glares at coffin "" couldn't stay alive."

"CS:GO's New One-Shot Revolver http://blog.counter-strike.net/index.php/2015/12/13288/"

"Heard a great joke at work today. Now if only I could remember it."

"Relationships nowadays: First month, I love you baby! Second month, we are forever! Third month, Single."

"Your mama's so fat she faces an increased risk of heart disease and type II diabetes."