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Joke of the Day

"Your mama's so fat she faces an increased risk of heart disease and type II diabetes."

"Girl, you are so sexy. . . [unsuitably sweet for work] that if my brain was in my penis, you would make my forehead sweat."

"What's the difference between a priest and a dog? One wears pants and a collar, the other wears a collar and pants"

"My biologist girlfriend was making competent cells at the lab today... I asked if they were very sure of them cells."

"If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks... Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined."

"I'm in a joint World Cup/NCAA Bracket pool. I have Portugal/Wofford/Belize/Kansas/Mexico/Wofford/Qatar in my Sweet Seven."

"Why did the man quit his job at the bakery? He didn't knead any more dough."

"Got carded for a box of Nicorette. I guess they don't want you to quit using tobacco until you're over 18."

"Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS? A: A know-it-all bitch."

"Facebook has pretty much made it impossible to ever again say, ""I had no idea it was your birthday!"""