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Joke of the Day

"Listen kids, money's tight. So when I make you balloon animals you should say 'thank you' and not complain about the lubricant."

"Why are hurricanes always named after white people? Because white people destroy everything."

"Poeple dont read the user manual to know how to do it. But to see where they fucked up."

"Don't forget the 3 most important factors in choosing the right words for a ubiquitous real estate mantra: Locution, locution, locution. *twitter: @chippedbeef*"

"What do you call a fugitive, talking down to you while fleeing down the stairs? a condescending con descending."

"Whats the difference between an original joke and a repost? I dunno, i just click submit"

"5-year-old: Can I borrow a dollar? Me: You don't have a job. How will you pay me back? 5: Me: 5: I'll borrow another dollar."

"Just spoke to my mom. Unrelated: Anyone want to have unprotected anal?"

"Guess what? Dickbutt"

"Good thing the silica gel packet that came with my shoes was marked ""DO NOT EAT"". I assume all new shoes come with snacks."