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Joke of the Day

"Recent study shows that masturbating twice weekly increases life expectancy by 20%. I've done the maths. I am immortal."

"I'm old enough to remember when a car on the back of a tow truck meant a transmission problem rather than repossession problem."

"My favorite German children's story is that one where some unspeakably terrifying thing happens to teach a minor lesson."

"My friend asked me how I became so confident, I told him I play Russian roulette every morning... RIP Larry."

"What do you call a black man who flies a plane? A pilot you racist."

"Why is DeadMau5 bad at math? He drops the base when doing logs."

"English, if I ran it: A group of geese is called a ""group"" A group of buffalo is called a ""group"" A group of catfish is called a ""group"""

"The worst part of being named Michael is repeatedly being broken up with via a text that states *drops Mike*"

"If you see me longingly looking at you at the pub, i'm just wondering if you're going to eat all those nachos?"

"What happened when the composer got angry? He flew off the Handel"