227807

Joke of the Day

"Nothing makes me scream louder during sex than when my husband calls to let me know he's on his way home from work."

"My wife said I needed to grow up I was speechless It's hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth"

"Whenever I see a bruise on a banana my first thought is pity, but then I think it probably deserved it because I slipped on a peel once."

"No matter how bored I get, I'll never be bored enough to go back and read through all the greeting cards I've saved over the years."

"When I drink alcohol, everyone says that I'm an alcoholic. But when I drink Fanta, no one says that I'm Fantastic."

"Give a toddler a crayon and he will eat that crayon. Teach him how to color and he will eat more crayons."

"A man hobbles into a McDonald's and walks up to the counter. He proceeds to place his order of 1 hot fudge sundae. The cashier asks him ""Crushed nuts?"". ""No."" He says, ""Hip replacement""."

"Why does the monster act wild and crazy on his birthday? He's trying to age disgracefully!"

"Kate Upton Nightmare... ""Hey, last night I had a nightmare, I dreamed I was Kate Upton's new born baby, but I was bottle fed... ... [I know it's soggy, but it made me laugh...]"

"Another day done. Time to kick back and second-guess every social interaction I had at work."