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Joke of the Day

"Why did the dinosaur walk on two legs? To give the ants a chance."

"What's the difference between a quid and a pound? I can't quid my dick into your mom."

"Cop said that it's illegal for me to have flashing lights & siren on my car. I looked at his car and said are you going to arrest yourself?"

"Does a farmer eat female sheep? Ewe, no."

"Why did Paul Walker cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing a seatbelt"

"I just painted my toenails whore red, then immediately confined them to tight heels so they know what shameful little sluts they are."

"The four states of matter: Solid Liquid Gas Black"

"Girls love when you hug them from behind and whisper sweet nothings in their ears. Strangers, not so much."

"Why can't American engineers design linear actuators? Because they always try to maximize the degrees of freedom."

"Here's a FedEx joke Actually, you'll get it tomorrow"