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Joke of the Day

"I bought a book yesterday: ""101 Uses For Binary"". However, when I got home I was very disappointed to find it only contained five."

"Me on New Year's Day: 2016 is so going to be my year! (Morgan Freeman narration): 2016 would not, in fact, be anyone's year."

"If I don't get off Reddit, my dad says he will smash my head against the keybosdqAFQ#D!E"

"Why do Apples new headphones look like tampons? Because they're made exclusively for cunts."

"What kind of bee's make milk? BOObees!"

"Ask someone if they'll watch your bag for you but never actually leave just sit there and watch your bag together with your new friend."

"DC & Marvel (GOTG) Dc: I have a plan Marvel: You got a plan Dc: I have parts of a plan Marvel: hahahahahahahah"

"*sneeze once* God bless you! *sneeze twice* God bless you. *sneeze three times* Get your shit together, Steve."

"Doctor how much time do I have left? Doctor: Ten Ten what? Doctor: Nine"

"How do you split Rome in half? You use a pair of caesars."