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Joke of the Day

"Ask someone if they'll watch your bag for you but never actually leave just sit there and watch your bag together with your new friend."

"Why doesn't Ted Cruz like doing laundry? Because he always fucks up the delegates."

"Swim up bars combine my two favorite things. Drinking and peeing in hotel pools."

"Someone told me Canada had no territories... I was having Nunavut."

"Why do the ladies love Jesus? He's hung like this. (Stretch out arms.) Really one that you have to tell in person, but it's my favorite."

"Some subreddits What kind of subreddit dedicates itself to darkness and shadows? No it is not r/shadow [removed]"

"What do you call a group of black people? a group, you racist."

"Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit? A: The tame way -- unique up on him."

"My next song is about subtraction. Take it away..."

"I may not be smart and I may not be skinny and I may not be tan and I may not be cheerful and I may not be tall and I may not be sober and I"