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Joke of the Day

"DC & Marvel (GOTG) Dc: I have a plan Marvel: You got a plan Dc: I have parts of a plan Marvel: hahahahahahahah"

"I tried to become a proctologist but it was a real pain in the ass."

"Some one gave me a broken knife 3 days ago. I didn't get the point."

"Did you know... Jesus created cross-fit. I guess you could say I really nailed that one."

"We have great news. We're pregnant! -Awesome! Do u know the sex yet? Of course we know 'the sex'. How do u think we got pregnant, silly?"

"Q: What do astronauts eat for dinner? A: Launch meat."

"I know why I study with the blinds closed. The reason awful, ghastly... I shutter to think"

"Today I made a boat with a lot of ballast on the hull. It made turning a bit of a *drag*."

"I'm thinking of going on a cleanse just not sure which race to start with"

"(Interview) Says here on your resume that you're unpredictable. (I take a squirrel out of my pants dressed as Batman) ""That's a rumor""."