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Joke of the Day

"What did the depressed muppet say? I want to Kermit suicide."

"What's the difference between a cactus and a schoolbus? Cactus has little pricks on the outside"

"I can't remember whether I threw a boomerang or not... It'll come back to me."

"What do you call a Sasquatch that is never on time? Not Yeti"

"My therapist told me the reason I have a lower sex life than I want Is because I misinterpret what people are telling me. I'm pretty sure she wants my dick."

"That's so nice of Activia to offer a money back guarantee. Am I supposed to send them pictures of myself not shitting?"

"Look, boss, all I said was, ""I bet my raise is as big as your dick."" Whether that's an insult or not is entirely up to you."

"Why did the incarcerated 12 year old furiously jerk off in jail? He was hoping for an early release"

"What did the Pope say when a cougar crossed his path? Oh my gosh I almost Puma pants."

"Me: *taps one-night-stand on forehead* Unfollowed. One-Night-Stand: It doesn't work like that... Me: *taps him on forehead again* Blocked."