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Joke of the Day

"""Hey, will you join us in our street protest?"" No thanks ""Why not?"" I actually love streets"

"Hubby is trying to get it up...There we go...Ok now it won't go down-oh there it goes...Shit, now it's going back up! Garage door is broken"

"I'm not feeling very well today, I have constipation But I couldn't give a shit"

"I heard Facebook is looking to start a program with insurance companies... It'll be called Friends With Benefits."

"With today's guilty verdict Aaron Hernandez went from a tight end to a soon to be wide receiver."

"What do you call mints you can spread through social media? Memementos"

"Pickup line Hey there, wanna come over and watch porn on my 50 inch flat-screen mirror?"

"Woke up and poured myself a cup of coffee and then took a nap... So no, technically, Ms. Snooty HR, I didn't sleep through my alarm again."

"Did you hear about the nun that bites her nails? You can say she has a bad habit."

"Is it true what every girls wants is 9 inches? Cos I'm not chopping 3 inches off for anybody!"