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Joke of the Day
"""Knock Knock"" ""Who's there?"" ""Grandpa"" ""Wait, STOP THE FUNERAL!"""
Next Joke
"I stepped on two raccoons today, but I'm just gonna play it cool and wear them as slippers for the rest of my life."
"What is Mozart doing right now? *Decomposing*"
"When Tom Cruise is driving, he says ""Now in Cruise Control!"" with this stupid smirk on his face even when there's no one else in the car."
"Why do women find Christian Grey so appealing? Beats me."
"What do you call a programming language designed for women? An object oriented programming language."
"Hipsters were tensious before it was cool. Because they're pretentious."
"ME: look a possum HER: actually it's spelled opossum ME: you don't no how I spelled it, we're talking HER: actually it's spelled know"
"can you start monday at 8? ""yes, thank you for the opportunity"" [calls new boss at his home on sunday night] hello? ""am or pm?"""
"Huge shout out to the woman that message me first... Love you, Mum!"