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Joke of the Day

"I stepped on two raccoons today, but I'm just gonna play it cool and wear them as slippers for the rest of my life."

"How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Hippies only screw in tents."

"[Lab] Co-worker: ""Where's all the microscope oil and acetic acid?"" Me: (with a mouthful of salad topped with vinaigrette) I dunno."

"Saturn Undefeated Solar system Hula Hoop champ!"

"What do most people wear to court? Law-suits"

"A kid goes up to his dad with a question... ""Dad, can I ask you something?"" ""Of course."" ""You and mom are both white, but I'm black. Why?"" ""That party was so wild, it's a wonder you don't bark."""

"The girl at Starbucks wrote my name as ""Meghen"" like I lay eggs or some shit."

"What do fat chicks and mopeds have in common? they're fun to ride until your friends find out."

"Wife: The zoo called Me: [wearing hat made out of live lemurs] they say what they want?"

"Clever Husband. Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: Why Three? Husband: It's for you and your parents."