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Joke of the Day

"What do you do with a dead chemist? You Barium."

"(boom boom clap) (boom boom clap) Daisy you're a dog you're a good dog Playing in the park Gonna eat some cool bugs today"

"Woozy woman comes up ""OMG I'm-I'm gonna faint!"" ""Go ahead, knock yourself out"""

"Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering A minor."

"So I walked into a pub with some of the lads... Oh wait hang on I don't have a social life."

"This grocery store is playing ""Freebird"" which I interpret as an invitation to shoplift a turkey."

"How do you put spaghetti to sleep? You cover it in peanut butter until it dies. My 4 year old made that up, along with a few others. Not sure how I feel about this."

"I asked my friend in North Korea how he was doing. He said he can't complain."

"Did you hear about the emo pizza? He topped himself."

"Manslaughter: I always used to read it as 'man's laughter'. Seems oddly appropriate for someone who's got away with murder..."