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Joke of the Day

"[talking with ex] Me: Is he more boring than me? Her: He is. Me: *devastated* How could you?"

"If marriage has taught me one thing in life, it's how to masturbate in bed without waking my wife up."

"I had an odd-job man in to help me do some work around the house. I gave him a list of 10 things to do. He only did numbers 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9."

"My friend has canceled our lunch plans three days in a row. I'm starting to think she really doesn't like lunch."

"Contrary to popular belief, Stalin was from Georgia, not Russia. Stalin wasn't Russian anywhere."

"What do you call an Englishmam in the Euro championship final A referee"

"Prostate exam Okay, I'm going to give you a prostate exam. ... It won't hurt a bit... Hey, doctor, you could have removed your ring! It's not my ring, it's my watch..."

"The Vietnamese world domination: one nail salon at a time."

"Why does a giraffe need such a long neck? Because its head is so far away from its body."

"Your mom is so fat Even Jesus couldn't lift her spirits up."