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Joke of the Day

"Guy stole my identity this week and I'm like I HAVE A FAMILY YOU HAVE TO TAKE THEM TOO"

"What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"

"What is Vladimir Putin's favourite drink? White Russian, Straight"

"THIS IS THE POLICE. COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP. ""Wrong house guys."" ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? ""Yup, happens a lot."" OKAY COOL, SORRY."

"Heard this while at a Canadian airport. Lady: We're going to the states for a few days. Oldman: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Lady: Why not? Oldman: It's full of Americans."

"ME: My new contacts are here! WIFE: Don't put them all on at once like you did last ME: [eyes wide] I CAN SEE YOUR BONES"

"What's the difference between Pink and Purple ...your grip."

"What's that movie about the girl who forgets Adam Sandler every day? I want to know her secret"

"So an orca's prey tried to escape But his fate was sealed"

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you wagging its tail, you're in love with a dog & it probably just had to shit."