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Joke of the Day

"worst day of my life, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant..... and I found out Wal-Mart doesn't sell metal coat hangers anymore."

"A man and a woman are talking Man: I can predict the future. I know my child's last name. But you can't. Woman: Well I know my child is going to be mine."

"Before my girlfriend moved in I always had one night stand Now that things are getting serious we have two night stands"

"A guy died while having sex He came and went"

"""My friend got me a Fitbit"" ME: Oh yeh, heard of them, haven't got one tho ""u can buy them online"" ME [whispering] u can buy friends online?"

"Wow, you're a Sagittarius?? That must mean you're trusting, passionate and thick as pig shit to think I care about horoscopes"

"Tell the guy at the first drive-thru window that you want the guy at the second window to throw your food into the car without you stopping."

"You're like pizza at a Chinese buffet. I ain't feeling you but I see you over there, doing you, and I respect that."

"1 out of 10 dentists doesn't care what you brush with, he just wants to fondle you while you're gassed."

"Tripped in a curry house... It went from bad to worse when slipped into a korma (coma) I just invented this joke. It might only work with Mancunian accent?"