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Joke of the Day
"When I want to cheat on my diet I buy food at Traitor Joe's."
Next Joke
"My wife asked me to pass her lip balm, instead, I gave her super glue by mistake. She's still not talking to me..."
"I like my women like I like my alcohol..... Rubbing."
"What do you call a peeping Tom cat? A Purrr-vert."
"[magician rolls over in bed] ""Last night was amazing"" Woman: Magical. Make me breakfast? Magician: [waves magic wand, eats her]"
"Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1000 bones in the human body? Larry: Shhh doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!"
"Bought a new vacuum cleaner.. ..it sucks more than my old one"
"""Please ma'am! How do you spell ichael?"" The teacher was rather bewildered. ""Don't you mean Michael?"" she asked. ""No ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."""
"Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car."
"1)sit in toddler seat of a shopping cart. 2)tip over til feet touch the ground. 3)stand up. you're now a grocery turtle. no one can stop you"