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Joke of the Day

"What did the doctor say to the short guy in a hurry? You're going to have to be a little patient."

"Noticed a spider while I was driving,so I did what any normal person would do and carefully trapped it in a napkin and set my car on fire."

"My roommate says I have schizophrenia Jokes on him! I don't have a roommate"

"Life without women would be a pain in the ass, literally."

"Did you hear they discovered a carnivorous tree in the Amazon? Don't worry its bark is worse than its bite."

"My daughter called me ""lame."" Let's see how ""lame"" she thinks I am when I pick her and her friends up from the movies in a BOAT"

"71-yr-old Jimmy Page is dating a 25-yr-old. The age difference may seem huge now, but it won't be as big a deal when she's 28 and he's dead."

"GOOD COP: The sign on your door says NOTARY NOTARY: Yes? NOT A GOOD COP: *menacingly leans onto desk* Sounds like something a RY would say"

"'I like mouse but I couldn't eat a whole one' - Our sodding cat"

"How to pass the Bechdel Test ""Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt."""