192332

Joke of the Day

"How to die with dignity. 1. Grab your dignity with your right hand. 2. Die"

"Mount Rushmore looks like an old boy band that now wants to be taken seriously as musicians."

"First Jon Stewart retires, then Brian Williams gets suspended. What's happening to fake news?"

"Man, I really wish I'd noticed that rubber ducky in the toilet BEFORE I pooped."

"Bond, Jamaal Bond A black James Bond? Wouldn't work, he'd be pulled over every 15 minutes for driving an Aston Martin."

"If you play your cards right, I could be your 2nd and 4th husband."

"Why dont Asians go to the theaters? Because they always see widescreen!"

"I think my girlfriend might have an eating disorder I threw her onto the bed last night and my dog jumped up to retrieve her"

"They say in a group of friends, there's always one person who's probably a psychopathic killer. There's no group now... I couldn't take that chance."

"Hey buddy I was reminded of you this morning. But then I flushed the toilet and went on about my business."