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Joke of the Day

"FRIEND. My daughter just hates her job ME: My dogter loves hers F: You mean dau.. ME: *shows her a pic of a puppy in scrubs* She's a dogtor"

"It's hard not to bring up the fact I'm vegan whenever people talk about food or a new restaurant or that their mom just died or"

"How much hate does it take to qualify as a ""hater""? I hate tons of stuff."

"""Holy shit. That butterfly's gonna be HUGE."" -- First person to find a mummy"

"Grinch? Scrooge? Why don't you just come out and say 'Jew'."

"Damn girl, you must be a moped Because I love riding you but I'd be extremely embarrassed if any of my friends saw me on you"

"dry skin? flaky scalp? discoloration? scaling? tongue bifurcating all by itself? hissing? legs fusing together? recently evicted a gypsy?"

"Does anyone know how to get make-up off a dog? Asking for a friend, she's a bitch."

"Ukrainian underpants Why should you never wear Ukrainian underpants? Because Chernobyl fall out"

"So my Orchestra conductor keeps telling the Violas to play louder... I guess it just isn't their Forte. ;)"