104780

Joke of the Day

"So my Orchestra conductor keeps telling the Violas to play louder... I guess it just isn't their Forte. ;)"

"let me be very clear: i would rather attend a Pig's wedding than attempt to sift through the dumpster you people have made out of my dm box,"

"Your Momma's so black she got counted absent at night school."

"The Chinese New Year is almost here. I know they're in another time zone, but 2 months behind seems a little extreme."

"""What do we want?"" ""AIRPLANE NOISES!"" ""When do we want them?"" ""NEEEEOOOWWWWW"" I'm very sorry"

"#HowToAvoidPoliticsAtDinner bring up something less controversial, like religion."

"Wife: ""Can you pick up milk?"" Me: *lifts gallon* ""Yeah, it's easy."" Wife: ""I mean from the store."" Me: ""I'd imagine it weighs the same there too"""

"Judas: still on for Friday? Jesus: Friday? Judas: yeah, the last supper Jesus: the what? Judas: supper. Normal supper with the fellas"

"You are ugly!... A drunk guy screams at a woman: ""You are ugly!"". The woman replies: ""You are drunk!"" Guy: ""At least in my case, tomorrow I wont be anymore."""

"Gym memberships are expensive, just tattoo biceps all over your body and eat all the cake you can find."