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Joke of the Day

"If you meet someone who believes obesity is genetic, there is a 100% chance they've consumed a #3 at McDonald's in the past 24 hours."

"What do you call a movie about a low-magnitude Iron ion that skips school? Ferrous Bueller's Day Off"

"Nothing says ""Proper Retirement Planning"" like a garbage can full of losing lottery tickets"

"My kids tell me I drink too much. It's funny they don't make the connection."

"What do you call a magic owl? Hoo-dini!"

"How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb? Hmmm........I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you"

"If Chris Brown played Quidditch, what position would he play? Beater"

"What do you call people who use sandpaper to remove any evidence that Ernie and Bert are gay lovers? Bernie Sanders."

"Jack is a big part of all of us. He's the best friend we've never had. We spend most of our time doing Jack shit, drinking Jack and Jacking off. Thanks for the memories."

"With me, it's not PRIDE that comes before a fall. It's half a bottle of vodka and a coffee table that I forgot existed."