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Joke of the Day
"Just ordered a non-fat pumpkin spice latte & now I drive a Prius & am a Zumba instructor."
Next Joke
"two kids were arrested.. Two kids were arrested, one was eating fireworks and the other one was drinking battery acid. one got charged and the other got let off."
"TIL that Kim Kardashian's giant ass has it's own birth certificate, and even has a legal name: Kanye."
"My husband and I make a good team. I'm about to start cooking Thanksgiving dinner, and he's taking the batteries out of the smoke detectors."
"What will they play at the presidential inauguration if Republicans win? Trump-ets I'll see myself out"
"Today I brought a computer back from the dead. I've decided that this makes me a techromancer."
"You know what the worlds best play on words is? Scrabble."
"I like when you see a guy with a beard and you can immediately tell he's fashioned his entire thing/vibe/life around having that beard."
"What did the carpet say to the floor? Don't move -- I've got you covered."
"What did the sergeant say to the corporal? I need to see your privates."