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Joke of the Day

"Japan won't get Fallout 4 until December 17th, but that's okay, they got the original fallout 70 years before us."

"I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song."

"What did the fat pig say when the farmer dumped corn mash into the trough? ""I'm afraid that's all going to waist."""

"People who get offended when I breastfeed in public can just fuck off. What I'm doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog."

"Sorry I lied about knowing how to play the piano. What's that? Yes, I agree it made the funeral uncomfortable."

"When do cannibals cook you? On Fried-days."

"I'd like people more if they were kittens instead."

"Her: What do you like about me? Me: Your crippling self esteem issues have caused you to lower your standards. Her: What? Me: Your eyes"

"All the roles in Gravity were played by Martin Lawrence."

"What's the definition of a good buddy? [NSFW] A guy that goes into town and gets two blow jobs. Then comes back and gives you one."